There's no place like home

I received some feedback from a friend that my blog was getting increasingly more depressing, so I am taking this opportunity to report some happy news. The worst has happened (it gets happier. promise!). I moved back to my hometown into my old house with my parents. To my eternal delight (this is the happy part), this awful thing turned out to be a really good thing. I thought that moving home was an epic failure on my part. I thought that it meant that I was unqualified for employment and that I would never amount to anything. Since I am still unemployed, I still have inklings of these feelings, but being back at Ground Zero, so to speak, has given me some perspective. And in the meantime, I have had the opportunity to re-find the other parts of myself that are not obsessed with finding a job and I am able to actually relax a little. The pit of anxiety that had taken up residence in my gut for the last 6 months has disintegrated to a much more manageable size. The last three weeks or so have been....good, amazingly enough.

First of all, I have had the chance to focus on me. In the span of my unemployment and anxiety, I had a hard time keeping up with any sort of workout and healthy eating routine. Now, thanks to a woman I can only deem a fairy godmother, I have a regular gym routine and a regular partner. Now that I'm back in a comfortable house with a nice big kitchen and have people to cook for, I can make meals and experiment with food again. (FYI: I make a mean chicken Marsala!) I have had the opportunity to catch up with family and old friends and enjoy the beautiful outdoors that this time of year brings. I forgot how bright the stars and pretty the fall colors are in this part of state.

Second of all, I have a strong support system nearby and feel far less lonely than before. My parents are amazing and have figured out how to be my Mom and Dad without parenting me like I'm 18 again. They are there to talk to at the end of the day and are great company on a lazy Saturday. Bonus!: They also pay for stuff. I also get to hang out with my dog everyday. She's big and lovable and truly good for the soul. I am closer in proximity to old friends, both from high school and college, and am reminded how important it is to stay in touch with the special people in your life.

Overall, it's been far better than I could have ever anticipated. It's not perfect, but the hard stuff is much easier to deal with. I still need a "real" job and also need a "for now" job to keep some kind of income coming in. I know that this is not where I want to stay for a lengthy period of time, but I also know that it's probably the best place for me right now. I miss my friends who aren't here but know that they're just a car ride away. I'm not giving up who I want to be or where I want to be, but I'm happy with a little life timeout for right now.